i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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