omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
