Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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