I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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