I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
