He uses pillows to masturbate.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
