i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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