My nipple is on Facebook.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
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