Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
