Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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