I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How many fucks given?
0.12846
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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