Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
