i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
