Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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