i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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