Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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