I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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