i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i can't believe i had my finger in that
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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