Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
