It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
