If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
