at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
