Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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