just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
