she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
only you would photoshop your dick
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
