Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
