Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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