I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
