I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
