During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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