We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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