1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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