They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
