if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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