Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
