Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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