Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
