but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
