I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
