im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
