So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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