FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
