My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
