Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am one with the molecules
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
