i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
