I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
