Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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