I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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