one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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