He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
