the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
