he wants to bone in the snuggie
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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