The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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