Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
