Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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