Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
