Who wears a wallet chain?!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
